I HAD TO LEAVE, I HAD TO LIVE
EVERY TIME I STARED INTO YOUR EYES, I FELL THAT MUCH MORE IN LOVE WITH YOUR SOUL. EVERY TIME YOU CRACKED A JOKE, IT WARMED ME UP. ALL THE TIMES YOU WERE HURT, I FELT YOUR PAIN AND IT HURT ME TOO. EACH TIME YOU PUT YOUR WALL UP HIGHER TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM ANY POTENTIAL PAIN, IT BROKE MY HEART THAT MUCH MORE KNOWING I COULD NOT GET CLOSER TO YOU. ALL I WANTED WAS TO ENSURE YOU FELT OK, THAT YOU FELT COMFORTABLE AND THAT YOU WERE HAPPY BUT WHAT YOU NEVER KNEW WAS THAT IT WAS AT A COST OF SACRIFICING MY OWN HEART AND EMOTIONS TOO.
You had such a beautiful aura around you that drew me closer to you the more time I spent with you, your innocence and genuine way that you spoke. Your physical beauty was bonus, but the compassion and kindness of your heart that I was able to see, attracted me towards you, in such a crazy way. For how could I be crazy? I was the most stable person possibly out there yet I would catch myself falling so crazy, crazy in love with someone whose heart was as big as mine.
For everything I saw in you, I wondered if you ever saw in yourself? Did you realize how amazing you were? That as much as you had some front, I could see through you and read you like a book. Did that scare you? that someone who was as kind as yourself, was genuinely falling in love with who you were, for whatever I got to see of you. For all the times you blocked your heart and hid your emotions, I could see through you and felt that heart whenever it was able to come through. For all the smiles you grinned with strength to keep going on, I could see through the pain you held within.
“Some people come into your life for a reason, some a season, and some a lifetime”
Did you know your worth? Did you know how special you were to me? Did you know how much you made my days that much more brighter, and all because you were just you. How beautiful was that. I held many things back, especially emotional feelings which I thought would frighten you. I had the biggest respect for you and genuinely would only ever want the best for you because you deserve the world, the universe and all good. For all the times your wall went slightly back up, my heart cracked a little bit more, that I could not get close to you.
There comes a point when you realize as much as you want to stay by someones side to help them heal, that we truly can not as it is someones own journey to accomplish within themselves. We need to all go through our own self healing and self cleanse. To build up our self love, our self worth and learn to realize how truly valuable we are regardless of our haunting pasts that have done us wrong.
There are so many things that may make life appear unfair but are they truly? or is it part of our journey. Life is about embracing our past experiences, learning from them and applying them to move forward in life. Our oath is not always perfect surrounded by rainbows and clouds. Not one person on this earth has a perfect life however we are all challenged in our own ways, and it is how we choose as people to embrace and remain positive. First you must ask yourself “do you truly want to let go of your past experiences or pain?”
Remember that our past is there for a reason. As I see this, it is a stepping stone in building our strengths for a better future. It is filled with learning experiences, some good, some bad. It is for us to embrace, learn from, and to continue to a brighter, more stable future. Not for us to live or stay in the past, for your life will end up in a vicious cycle filled with negativity. The universe knows…
The universe feels our energy and hears our thoughts. The universe keeps us on our toes, I mean aren’t you still standing? so it knows you can over come whatever holds you back from moving forward. We must learn to let go, let go of people, let go of things that anger you, let go of anything that taints you from staying within a positive mindset. For if you need to protect anything, truly you must learn to protect your energy and who is, and is not deserving of it.
The world can be cruel, I do not deny this, but not everyone is of your past. I understand walls go up, we must protect ourselves as I have been down this road many times too. That as cruel as people could and would be, that it was not a reflection of myself for they were “lost people”. People who were lost within their own souls and were a reflection of self hate. Everything I never wanted to become.
Our hearts can shine, yet at times be broken too. But one thing stands truth, our hearts are made to forgive. In time, you need to forgive so that you can free your soul from the taint of your past. I am not only referring to forgiving others but you must learn to forgive yourself too. You are so precious and must learn to see how valuable you are. We all have a journey in this lifetime and you must understand that we all have different paths to take throughout this lifetime. Some may be filled with lessons, but lessons we all have to learn from just so long you continue forward on your path.
We must learn to stop blaming ourselves, just know that we have learnt from your experiences. We must learn to stop, not seeing your own self worth, for you are worth so much on this earth, if you could only see truly how much. We must learn to stop telling ourselves, that we can not accomplish our dreams. Because all that matters is do you believe in your own dreams and self? then you will, you will always accomplish, just so long you never stop believing.
Life was not made to be easy, but for each and everyone of us have to go through this journey. One that you must accomplish on your own first and foremost. Life is incredibly beautiful, when you switch off the “noise” that surrounds us, it is beautiful. When you stop, breath, look around and appreciate everything around you, you will see just how beautiful life can be.
Love who you are, appreciate those around you that truly care for you, and never stop believing you are worth more then what you may have believed. You are amazing, you always have been. You are a gem, a diamond in the rough, someone so rare, that anyone would be so damn lucky to get close to. Your heart is of gold. your soul enriched with love, which you are yet to find out.
Do not ever forget, just how beautiful you are as a person. Your compassion touches me in remarkable ways, enough that I can not seem to let you go from my heart and soul. Do know I believe you are one of the most amazing people I have crossed paths with in this lifetime, Do know my door is never closed for you, but actually unlocked and wide open, in hopes that the universe will place you back on my path stronger then ever. Until then my dear, fly your pretty wings..
If I can’t have you, let love set you free
To fly your pretty wings around
Pretty wings, your pretty wings
Your pretty wings around